#51 Like a cold, wet, woolen blanket over my heart...

Chapter Three

(in answer to an email from a dear friend of mine, 11-04-07)

Glad to receive your note; am also struggling with depression too, today...it often seems never-ending. I think in times like these we are sent people to hang onto--literally to hang onto until "IT" passes. My psychiatrist says that depression waxes and wanes--small, but a little comfort. It really helps me, Catherine, that we both can comfort each other. Unless one suffers from mental illness the loom of this terribly debilitating curse, haunts us, and others do not understand....not really. So in my prayer and meditation today, GOD put it upon my heart that in this "incarnation" He has put loved ones who also suffered --(like you) so that each one can take their turn at holding the other up. I truly believe this...and this gives me comfort and alleviates the depression somewhat. It all comes back to that truth we all learned in Kindergarten...taking one's turn.

In church today we were on the subjects of Saints, (because of All Saints on 11-1-07) and our minister asked us to name Saints in our modern day lives and why. Someone mentioned Mother Teresa, another mentioned a man who adopted 12 children plus raising many of his own. We were then asked why we thought these individuals were "Saints." And the answers were easy. Then I spoke up and mentioned that I thought "Saints" were those individuals who struggle with mental illness or addiction. The church was silent; no one asked me for my reasons...I wanted people to hear my reasons, qualities like courage against unbelievable inner obstacles, hope when no hope was in sight, kindness towards others even in the midst of their own pain...but the church service went on. And once again my heart sank for those of us with our silent, invisible despair--that punch in the heart that no one can see--except our fellow-sufferers; thank GOD for such "companions of the heart." GOD has brought such souls into my life to keep me in life, and not in that black hole--that horrible longing to be free of such angst.