# 10 One more thing before you go...

…as I was leaving the Campus today our discussion about the concept of Hell came back to me and I wanted to share my thoughts with you before you go and graduate on Monday. It is always the same old question really: is there a Hell? And the easy answer is either yes or no…depending on your beliefs. So when do we, as Ian asked, “draw that line in the sand"—or more to the point—when does GOD draw the line, or does He? In Dante’s Inferno the author states that Hell is locked from the inside—by us. There is a belief, (attributed to Catholicism), that Hell is the absence of GOD. And in some scripture and beliefs Hell is said to be a place of fire, and absolute torture! This thought is hopeless for me. What I believe is that the GOD of my understanding gives me as many chances as I can to “get it right.” I am and continue to be a very slow learner. Having such a vengeful GOD gave me great heartache, and filled me with despair and defeated my spirit. When I am so afraid I am unable to love and that extends to GOD too. The pastor at my church once said that ”Hell is a place where we go if we choose to not have a relationship with GOD—and for some people—Hitler, Charles Manson---you get the point-—it is forever. And yet a Loving GOD does drive a ‘shuttle bus every half hour’ just in case we change our mind.” I am able to stay peaceful with such a caring and forgiving GOD…one who loves me when I dance—like Scatman Scrothers in that Twilight Zone short video we saw in class. However, to assume that we can do whatever we want on Earth and then get a “free get out of Hell ticket,” is to assume very incorrectly. Let’s face it—was our life not a Hell before we came into our Recovery? And to think that we can go back to that life without heartbreaking consequences—the loss of loved ones, self-respect, a sense of uselessness, and poverty grinding loneliness—is to assume that one's life was “not that bad” before you came here. And for most of we were living in Hell…a Hell that GOD could not drive a shuttle bus to—because of our free will. GOD could not intervene, and I believed it broke GOD’S heart to see us suffer so. I know my heart and my spirit were crushed…and I was the one who did the crushing—not GOD and not evil—ME. I do know that “cheap grace does not exist,” but there is Grace, Forgiveness, Mercy, Tenderness, and Great Love. I spent much of my life, (especially at 3 am in the morning and alone), believing that I did not deserve anything. Oh, I could pretend but deep down inside I knew that GOD could not possibly love anyone like me or forgive any of the things I did and the people whose hearts I broke. But I believe different now. Hell—who can really say? You have to come to your own truth. What I can say for sure is that we never ever really know another’s heart—and sometimes even our own. Who can judge? I just choose to believe in a GOD who sees me and who has been knocking on the door of my heart for most of my life. I believe in a GOD of 9000chances…and then some. Hell—ultimately the belief and the decision are yours. I hope you can find some peace in this attempt at clarification. You are all so dear to me, but you are also “powerful spirit beings,” (as in the movie we saw today), and the answers are all within anyway. I only have the answers for me. My fondest hope is that you find a GOD and a belief that gives you great comfort and kindness rather than one that leaves you afraid and isolated. I did and it has taken me many years to come to that peace within my own heart and to find my home within GOD’s Heart. Bon Voyage, Beautiful Souls. PS The doorknob to our souls is on our side; We have to let GOD in…